The Onion says everything there is to say.

“No one believes this.”
–Fred Clark, “Franklin Graham’s fire-sale at Montreat“ (also).

“Our marriage is about love and faithfulness irrespective of gender and my gender transition. Our marriage reaffirms our ongoing, nearly lifelong commitment that strengthens our family and society.”
–JamieAnn Meyers, “Marriage: It’s About Love and Commitment (A Transgender Perspective)”

“If we did this right, people would come out of presidential elections exhilarated, maybe even stoked to get involved in their local races for county sheriff or D.A.”
–Matt Taibbi, “How the Hype Became Bigger Than the Presidential Election”

How Does Homeopathy Work?

“Poor man! gone to meet the spirits of my poor, outraged and murdered people, in a world where Liberty and Justice are MASTERS.”
–Jarm Logue via Ta-Nehisi Coates, “The Hyperlinked Ballad of Jarm Logue”

“I support this law because it doesn’t force any church to perform a same-sex marriage if it’s against their beliefs. And that’s what this is about—protecting religious freedom and all [citizens] equally under the law.”
–Rev. Donté Hickman, Southern Baptist pastor, endorsing Maryland’s Question 6 marriage equality bill

In the entire history of the United States of America, from George Washington’s election in 1789 on down, has there been a single candidate as unmoored from ideological principle or belief as Mitt Romney?
–Paul Waldman, “The Emptiest Candidate in Presidential Election History”

“Romney is ready to make the deep roll-backs in healthcare, education, social services, reproductive rights, — that will guarantee poverty, unemployment, overpopulation, disease, rioting, — all crucial elements in creating a nightmare zombie wasteland.”
–Joss Whedon’s endorsement of Mitt Romney

“The more you focus, the more that focus becomes a habit.”
–Charles Duhigg, “How Not to Spend Your Whole Day on Facebook”

“If they really cared about eradicating poverty, as good Jews, they knew what to do. Moses told them the strategy – regular debt cancellation and economic empowerment would end poverty. But if they weren’t up to radical restructuring then they better be up for a lifetime of generous giving to the poor.”
–Kelley Nikondeha, “The Poor You Will Always Have with You”

“What the author quickly realized was that the “biblical view on abortion” had dramatically shifted over the course of a mere 15 years, from clearly stating life begins at birth to just as clearly teaching it begins at conception.”
–Jonathan Dudley, “When Evangelicals Were Pro-Choice”

“The only way for a zombie to have his will and soul return is for him to eat salt.”
–Amy Wilentz, “A Zombie Is a Slave Forever“

Experimental Theology: On Blog Arguments and Dumbfounding

To be clear, I’m not saying that when people disagree with me they don’t have good reasons or solid arguments. It’s just that I don’t find those arguments persuasive. Largely, and this is key, for a host of emotional reasons. Consequently, until I feel differently about things, until my affections change, exchanging self-justifications in the comments section of a blog isn’t going to move the conversation forward. It’s a dumbfounding situation.

xkcd: Error Code

Ta-Nehisi Coates: On Making Yourself Right

It is natural to think of the damage [a liar and opportunist] did to people [] by embracing lying as a weapon. But I found myself thinking of the great injury he must have ultimately done himself, for by the end [], he was a man lying only to himself and other liars.

Six-Legged Giant Finds Secret Hideaway, Hides For 80 Years

Kickstarter: A Show with Ze Frank

Extreme Makeover: The story behind the story of Lawrence v. Texas.

“The cause was greater than the facts themselves. Lawrence and Garner understood that they were being asked to keep the dirty secret that there was no dirty secret. That’s the punch line: the case that affirmed the right of gay couples to have consensual sex in private spaces seems to have involved two men who were neither a couple nor having sex.”